Time...

Sitting in my room relaxing on this Sunday evening, its one of those rare days in California where its raining. The sound is enough to calm you into a sweet lullaby. Though I love a good nap my head is reeling. Thinking of things that we often take for granted, simple things, time, happiness, memories, a kiss...We give them so freely, and yet don't realize how precious they are. What happens when you are unable to give what you once gave so freely? What if there was no more time, no more kisses, and all you have are the memories?

I took a road trip this weekend, and it was the most simple road trip. We went nowhere special, there was no plan when we left the house. We didn't talk about how we were gonna get there or the plan to come back, we simply just went. Giving each other our time, sharing our happiness and making memories, but the kisses, so many kisses. It is often hard to understand how much they all mean until you don't know when you will get that chance again. 

I am that girl who thinks about that stuff, over and over. Often times even getting so stuck in my own thoughts, as if I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ya know, its so good now, whats gonna go wrong kinda thing? On the outside I am great, I take it in stride, but in my head oh if you could only read my mind. It is often said that you never know what you got til its gone, but I know and I'm terrified of the what if. I envy the women who have no fear, the ones who do not live in their heads. 

It is so easy to walk around as if you have it all together, yet inside you are maybe not broken, but a little bent. So, what do you do if the one thing you have is so amazing that you are constantly scared it will end? A wise man once told me "I'm not going to remove a thought you put in your own head". What a smart man, I mean who would want that responsibility? I sit here and think that maybe he was onto something. As if he knew my head was a bit overactive. 

I don't have some kinda answer to all of this, maybe that is the beauty of the mind. What I know is that in the end, there is always going to be a goodbye. Maybe it doesn't work out, or you live happily ever after, but nothing is certain. Possibly that is the splendor of it all, that you live each day not knowing, but living and making memories as if there is no tomorrow promised. You cherish what is now and stop worrying about the outcome. Easier said than done I am sure, but imagine if you actually get that lifetime you yearn for. The memories you make will be endless, and that is something to look forward to, so much better than the other shoe dropping. 

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