The Beauty Of The Broken You

Do you all remember that song from the 80's, Voices Carry? Its about a woman who is afraid to speak up. She is with a man she cant be herself with. Where anything she says, he is constantly telling her to be quiet. Always trying to change her to confirm to his life and needs. Ironically enough I always wondered why she stayed quiet so long, until now. It is no secret women aren't heard like men. Most don't hear us speak until we raise our voice, make a scene or yell at the top of our lungs then someone will notice. Even then they say we are embarrassing. Suddenly the women across the world are saying "me too". For the first time women are being heard with just two words. My life is not without some kind of harassment. There are many women who have suffered much more than I have. Maybe that is why I have not stood up until now for the "me too" movement. It is ironic how one woman can say those words and suddenly so many have come forward, yet where we...

As I sit here and write this I cant even begin to imagine how I got here. That place where I don't know how to speak loud enough for you to hear me. Where I cant say what I think without the fear of a fight. I've become a person I don't really know anymore. This isn't me... I am the girl who speaks her mind freely, who says it like is, the one who was once not afraid to lose, because life is always worth the gamble. This is a new territory for me, someone throw me a compass... I for sure am lost. Most of my posts are some kind of snarky humor with a lot of honesty. This one might be the most real. The one that sets my world into chaos. Yet, I am not afraid. I have lost it all before, came back stronger, smarter, and a hell of a lot happier. So, why is it so many of us women seem to forget how strong we really are? What makes us happy? Who makes us happy? Its not some gift given to you, or words said by someone you love. The truth is we find happiness in ourselves. Whe...

It is one of those days where I am having all kinds of thoughts go through my head. Ya know, where you cant really make sense of what you are thinking. The kind of day where you don't want to say anything cause you just know that it may not be the nicest thing you could say. I have been here before, hell haven't we all? That place where you just have to watch the things you say in an effort to protect those around you. I call today my nuclear day, be careful I could blow at any moment. The thing is I don't particularly like this kinda day. I mean who does? Walking around like some ticking time bomb just waiting to hit your red button. The simplest thing could set you off. It could be the way they made the pasta! So I grab a glass of wine and try to calm myself, I mean wine is good for everything... isn't it? Drinking, cooking, with your cheese, with your crackers, with your friends, with your man, with your TV.. I mean the possibilities of wine are endless. I am getti...

It is often said you cant make someone love you. The truth is there are different ways to love. We have all said we give it, unconditional love. What is that anyways? Is it the promise to love through it all? Good, bad and ugly? Maybe it just means we love them when it is good. What happens when the bad hits? Do we simply hold our love over their head like a ticking time bomb? Knowing that any minute we can pull it away like some prize they almost wont at a carnival. Some people dream of that fairy tale love, true love. I mean isn't that what they teach us growing up? Love songs feed it to us, movies sell it, and books romanticize it. Reality is a whole new ballgame and the truth is most of us don't get the fairy tale. What we get is contingent love. Something that is given with the idea that it will be there through it all, but truth is it can be taken away just as easily as it is given. Like that ticking time bomb, BOOM! My love, is very different. When I love I put my he...

In everyday life we all have things that we consider a priority. For many it is our family, our children, friendships, our careers, our lives, our significant other... Other things are just options, what to wear, where to go, what to eat, gym or no gym, our significant other. What determines the difference between an option and a priority? Can you really make someone else a priority when you are just their option? I am the first to admit I am terrified of relationships. Any moment I can see a true good man coming my way I jump. I jump fast and quickly, like as if the titanic were sinking. Please don't throw me a life preserver I would rather drown. My best friend says it is because I am always worried about who I am taking care of in my life. The friends who I don't want to let go of, and some relationships would force that. The truth is probably more dark and deep seeded than just that.  Maybe it is the fear of being hurt, disappointed, or making sacrifices for someone...