Tiny Lil Thing Called Fear
I recently read that "Fear is a self-fulfilling prophecy". I
wasn't certain exactly what was meant by that until now. It led me to question
my own fears. What is your greatest fear? Is it facing the unknown? Failure?
Heartbreak? Something worse?
Fear is something so real, it can easily hold you back even paralyze you.
I hadn't thought I was afraid of anything, other than losing my family, death
and heights. However, recently I realized one of my biggest fears is to need
someone and actually admit it. It seems so trivial, yet this fear nearly
destroyed me and it certainly hindered me emotionally. It became something I
had to face and recognize and of course this always happens a bit late. The
fear that I could need someone so much and they could leave, is terrifying to
me. So, what happens when you realize your own fear can destroy the thing or
person you love? Do you run for cover and try to avoid the blast, or do you
face your fear head first, with your heart on the line?
I hurt the someone I love immensely out of fear. What I did is not as
important as the consequences of my actions. I have apologized, but that is the
thing about an apology it doesn’t erase what was done. I am not certain
anything can repair the damage I caused. Sort of like an atomic bomb hitting
the earth, some damage is irreversible. I have had to realize that my own fear
was possibly my own demise. Do I hope that among the wreckage there is a way to
salvage what I destroyed? Possibly, repair it and make it more beautiful than
it was. I pray for that, but if not I will have sealed my fate with my own
fears that is the consequences.
I started writing about this tiny lil thing called fear in an effort to
confess my shortcomings. What I hope is will help someone else realize their
fears and face them before it is too late. Fear is a crazy little thing, it
sits in the back of your mind hiding, almost unnoticeable until it is too late.
Most of my posts have some snarky underside to them. Something to lighten the
moment... There is nothing I can say to lighten this one. I have seen the
damage, assessed the pain I caused and know that my fear hurt someone I never
wanted to hurt.
What I can say is this, if we are able to rebuild or not I will never let my
fear hold me back again. I won’t hide behind it and use it as a crutch. Fear is
not an emotion, it is not real, it is something you hold onto to protect
yourself from the unknown. My advise... Jump from that plane, take that leap of
faith, for you never know what is waiting on the other side!
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