Priority or an Option...

In everyday life we all have things that we consider a priority. For many it is our family, our children, friendships, our careers, our lives, our significant other... Other things are just options, what to wear, where to go, what to eat, gym or no gym, our significant other. What determines the difference between an option and a priority? Can you really make someone else a priority when you are just their option?

I am the first to admit I am terrified of relationships. Any moment I can see a true good man coming my way I jump. I jump fast and quickly, like as if the titanic were sinking. Please don't throw me a life preserver I would rather drown. My best friend says it is because I am always worried about who I am taking care of in my life. The friends who I don't want to let go of, and some relationships would force that. The truth is probably more dark and deep seeded than just that. 

Maybe it is the fear of being hurt, disappointed, or making sacrifices for someone who won't make any for me. Giving my all and waiting for them to give me just a fraction of what I have given. Maybe I should see a therapist, they probably could answer more of this than me. Isn't that why I have friends? And alcohol? So I don't have to pay someone to tell me I am a bit, okay a lot crazy. 

Its not that I don't have a heart, or that I haven't loved someone so much that I want to make them my priority. In reality I have, I have loved so hard that it left me reeling with excitement. Stunned that I would feel so much for someone. As soon as I get that feeling, I find a way to self sabotage. I become needy, demanding, jealous, any of the things that can make any woman unattractive. And although I am a cute, funny and full of great qualities a man can only take so much.

Let's not get it twisted I have been in love and I've been hurt like most of us. Which any good therapist could probably tell me is a part of my problem with trusting anyone with my heart. Seriously, giving someone your heart is like a game of skeet, pull!  Then they shoot it into a million pieces. Maybe that is why there is always someone new to come into your life, and like the folks who helped humpty dumpty... put your heart back together. Maybe that is where you are the priority. Lets just hope you aren't so jaded that you allow them the chance. Because, isn't that the big end game, to finally see that you are worth being the priority?

As for me, I'm throwing caution to the wind. Full steam ahead, and ready to be that priority for a man who may only see me as an option. The titanic didn't leave port knowing they were going to hit an iceberg. What makes your heart any different? So, maybe you will get hurt. Or maybe, just maybe this time is different. All we can do is hope that we make it to our destination, no life preserver needed or someone with super glue and duct tape to put your heart back together. Ready...Aim... Pull... As Drake says "I'm more than just an option"... say it... believe it... because we are all worthy of being a priority.


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